just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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