Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
