somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
