i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
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I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
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Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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