I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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