Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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