I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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