Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
