Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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