So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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