fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
