dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
