I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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