Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
