he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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