shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize