I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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