your room smells of hookers.
And success
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
