So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
