At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
