even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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