I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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