I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
