Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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