wanna go halves on a baby?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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