Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
