Whats the glycemic index on semen?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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