i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
