i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
