i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
