Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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