it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Holy shit dude........stairs
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
