omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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