Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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