I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i love accidental penises.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize