i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
