I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France