Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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