he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just had sex on a roof
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS