And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just sucked dick on a ferry