well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny