I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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