summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
