You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
