Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
