Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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