took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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