I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
