My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
