He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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