i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
