White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They have beer where we have blood.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
