he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
