Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
