he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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