call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
