Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
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It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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