i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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