Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
