i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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