It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just want nice things and good sex
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I wear drunk well.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
