Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
