Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need a beard to bite.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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