meet me or not, i'm out of control
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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