Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize