I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
