i already hear my dad disowning me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
