we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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