Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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