wat bout pragnant strippers??
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
