My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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