you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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