just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
