in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
