It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
