Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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