I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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