If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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