I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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